Regardless of how preternatural it might have been for the eyes, the Tottenham Hotspur training jacket now has ‘JM’ embedded over the chest. Weird as one might think, new manager Jose Mourinho has attracted varied judgement to his appointment and we believe that him joining forces with Daniel Levy is a literal recipe of disaster.
You might be wondering on what ground did we make a gallant statement as this. Well, ask yourself just a solitary question: ‘How much have Tottenham spent in recent years?’. There… that uttering of cognizance is your answer.
So, when the headlines in January or July read ‘Mourinho unhappy with Tottenham board’, don’t act like you didn’t see it coming. We have now prepared you for the scoop.
Read | The highs and lows of Jose Mourinho
Meanwhile, for Jose, the first task in hand is a London Derby, with West Ham United waiting for Tottenham to pay a visit and here we try to analyze how the players would be preparing:
West Ham vs Tottenham
Back at the Enfield Training Centre in London, a certain Son Heung-Min was spotted undergoing heavy sprinting drills. It’s not that the South Korean needs to add more pace to an already electrifying flare, it’s just that he needs time to accustom himself to an unfamiliar left wing-back role, which he now needs to adopt as quickly as he can in order to amuse his new boss.
And oh, while we’re up at it, expect Mourinho to say the South Korean put in a good display, but “with my brain," at some point of time.
PS: Frightening memories are still keeping Luke Shaw awake at night.
Manchester United vs Tottenham
The bitter-sweet homecoming to his beloved Old Trafford is scheduled on Wednesday, December 4 (1:00 am, December 5 IST), and expect it to be a night to remember for Moussa Sissoko of all people.
Assuming Paul Pogba will be fit, or put in Marcus Rashford in place otherwise, the former Newcastle midfielder will be tasked to follow his marker even when the teams are in the dressing room. Yeah, you guessed right; I’m referring to the Ander Herrera-Eden Hazard incident.
Read | These six memes sum up Jose Mourinho’s move to Tottenham
Sissoko, in layman’s term, will be clinging over Pogba like an ex who is still not over you.
The Frenchman, overnight, will eventually become a meme king before Harry Kane manages to slot home to give Mourinho one of the many 1-0 victories.
Bayern Munich vs Tottenham
Well… you should know the drill for the games like these. A classic 9-0-1 approach where Jan Vertonghen, Toby Alderweireld, Davinson Sanchez, Danny Rose, Serge Aurier, Juan Foyth and Ben Davies will make it to the starting XI. Eric Dier or Moussa Sissoko and Christian Eriksen will complete the midfield – because you know, you need one creative outlay – while Harry Kane will march from the front.
An ‘old-school’ park the bus – as many of you have termed it – will guide Mourinho to a 2-1 win away from home, and regardless of the approach, you just can’t vent out your frustration because your team has just defeated Bayern Munich in Champions League and not in the Audi Cup.
Tottenham vs Chelsea
‘Your time is up, my time is now’ will echo around the walls of the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium as Mourinho will walk down the tunnel in a John Cena-esque entry, wearing a thick golden chain around his neck and a purple t-shirt with a giant three-finger graphic on front.
Three-nil. Do you know what it means? It means Mourinho alone has won more premierships than 19 other managers together. Three for him and two for them. Respect. Respect. Respect!
What more, you ask? Well, expect Tanguy Ndombele and Serge Aurier will accompany him on the field as his private entourage because they need to do something, right?
And while most of the Chelsea fans will be booing, a certain Frank Lampard will be suffering from an unfortunate Oedipus complex; not knowing whether to join forces with the fans or show the sportsmanship.
Read | Jose Mourinho's in-tray: Five key issues at Spurs
Feature image courtesy: AFP / Sebastien Bozon
