It’s time! Where is Lionel Messi? Has anyone seen Messi? He needs to be on the stage in 30 seconds. 

Wait! Who? Isn’t Paul Pogba winning the Ballon d’Or this time?

Have you completely lost it? Messi is the best player on the planet. 

Wait! Where am I? *shimmering around*

Welcome to a world without Messi. In this world, we commemorate Pogba for his incessantly bizarre hairstyles and give away the prize to keep him away from the game for as long as possible. You really think he’s injured, don’t you? No son! We promised him this honour at the start of this season and he agreed, faking his injury to make it count.  

The journalists from across the universe came together to choose a man who is not the influence we need on our kids while growing up. Have you seen his hair? Argh! This is our way of keeping him at bay from the limelight and away from the pitch. 

We have rewarded him with the prestigious Ballon d’Or to keep his services limited to him. 

Thank you for staying away, Paul!  

Don’t get me wrong, he is still one of the good ones. But as one wise man said before, ‘You got to look the part as well.’ Guess Paul didn’t receive that memo. 

Hell! 

You have to appreciate the gutsy approach that this guy carries so effortlessly and the spat with Manchester United’s ex-manager, Jose Mourinho about why it took so long for him to reach the training, only because he was getting a new look done, is beyond our comprehension.

Anyway, we all love a good story and we wanted to recognize it with the grandest prize in football.  

Lingard lifts the ‘Kopa’ 

Ageless, definitive, spell-binding and leading at an age where people even struggle to find a mentor, Jesse Lingard is a solid proof that once you go around, you have to lock it down. Can you imagine leading Manchester United in the Europa League? Oh, the pressure on the poor chap!  

The lad is brimming with unparalleled confidence and will surely be one of the greats in the future.

Given his social media presence, he has the support of the fans who adore every bit of his theatrics. He is surely a trendsetter and at his age and we couldn’t help calling the veteran World Cup winner, Kylian Mbappe to present him the Kopa trophy.  

You shall not pass

Can you imagine keeping a clean sheet in the UEFA Champions League along with a 100% save rate? How can you overlook such an astonishing accomplishment between the posts? But one man, Kyle Walker made us believe in the unimaginable. He led us down that path and showed us that greatness lies in sustaining belief in your coach and the almighty. We are with you Kyle on this one. 

You do deserve all the glory in the world and the ‘Yashine Trophy’ will be secured in the comfort of your home in Manchester or any of your beach houses if that’s where you want it. 

Josip Ilicic, Atalanta’s midfielder expressed his difficulties when he saw Walker keeping for Manchester City who clearly told the media that how tough it is for the opponents to score when Walker is at the post.  

Pep Guardiola has made some changes in the squad and has announced that Walker will be his first-choice goalkeeper going forward and the Spanish manager will tend to rely on him at every given chance. When called for a comment on his win at the Ballon d’Or ceremony, Walker declined to answer, citing he was busy keeping his house safe.

Feature image & Article Image courtesy: AFP / Franck Fife 

Related tags:

Manchester CityManchester UnitedJesse Ellis Lingard - MidfielderKyle Andrew Walker - DefenderPaul Labile Pogba - Midfielder